If you are a parent or are about to become a parent, you might spend a lot of time reflecting on yourself, your attitudes, your behaviours, and how this is (or is going to) all come together to form a certain parenting style.
Each and every parent is very different, with a different background and a different story to tell. However, most parents can fit into the groups of 4 parenting styles, maybe spanning across one or two of the groups at certain times but mostly staying within just the one.
The parenting style that you use has a direct impact on your child and, in fact, the studies behind these parenting styles started by observing the children’s behaviour first and wondering where the differences might be coming from.
Research states that, in the US, approximately 46% of parents use an authoritative parenting style, 26% authoritarian parenting style, 18% permissive parenting style, and 10% neglectful parenting style.
Let’s look into each of these 4 parenting styles in more detail and talk about what they mean.
Parenting Style 1: Authoritative
We will start off our list of the 4 parenting styles with the Authoritative parenting style. This is probably the one that we all aim for in our lives as parents and it is the one that is associated with the most positive outcomes for our children.
It’s not to say that anything else outside of this parenting style is dreadful parenting that will lead to your child having an awful childhood, it is definitely not as much of a black and white issue as that.
But, the Authoritative is associated with the best outcomes for everyone, so it is definitely worth the time and space to talk about and learn from.
The parenting style is defined as the following:
“Authoritative parenting is characterized by a child-centred approach that holds high expectations of maturity. Authoritative parents can understand how their children are feeling and teach them how to regulate their feelings. Even with high expectations of maturity, authoritative parents are usually forgiving of any possible shortcomings. They often help their children to find appropriate outlets to solve problems. Authoritative parents encourage children to be independent but still place limits on their actions.”
The associated outcomes for children as a result of this parenting style include:
- higher levels of self-esteem and confidence
- better social skills
- better behaviour in school and in the community
- better mental health
It is hard to argue with the fact that this parenting style is the best out of the 4 parenting styles we are going to talk about in this blog.
It’s the one we should be aiming for as much as we can. Of course, we will make mistakes and we won’t get it right every day, but if this is our goal and target, we know we will be on the right track at least most of the time.
Parenting Style 2: Authoritarian
Authoritarian parenting style is quite the opposite of the previous entry in our list of the 4 parenting styles.
Authoritarian parenting style is associated with punishment, strict rules, high expectations, and an adult-led relationship.
It is more formally defined as,
“a restrictive, punishment-heavy parenting style in which parents make their children follow their directions with little to no explanation or feedback and focus on the child’s and family’s perception and status. Corporal punishment such as spanking, and yelling are a form of discipline often preferred by authoritarian parents.”
This is one of the 4 parenting styles that have the highest levels of negative outcomes for the children involved in the dynamic. It is associated with:
- lower academic performance
- stress and anxiety
- poor self-esteem
- poor social skills
- worse behaviour in school and in community
- high potential for mental illness
While we can often understand how parents might slip into authoritarian habits, and while we also may not, it is safe to say that this parenting style is not the one you want to aim for. It is one, in fact, to be avoided at all costs due to how much harm it can do to the child or children involved.
Parenting Style 3: Permissive
Next in our list of the 4 parenting styles is permissive parenting, this can be defined in the following way:
Indulgent parenting … is characterized as having few behavioural expectations for the child. “Indulgent parenting is a style of parenting in which parents are very involved with their children but place few demands or controls on them”.[36] Parents are nurturing and accepting, and are responsive to the child’s needs and wishes. Indulgent parents do not require children to regulate themselves or behave appropriately.”
This parenting style is associated with having few rules and/or consequences in the home, and children being allowed to get whatever they want simply because they want it. This is the style in which we might see tantrums being appeased with gifts and treats, and where we might see parents acting more like friends with their children than parents.
This parenting style is associated with:
- unhealthy parent-child behaviours
- laziness
- entitleness
- poor decisions in later life
- poor academic performance
- poor communication and social skills
And, again, it might be very easy for us to understand where this parenting style comes from, we have all wanted to stop a tantrum with sweets before. But, it still isn’t helpful and doesn’t have the desired effect that we might want it to.
Something to think about next time you find yourself giving into things!
Parenting Style 4: Neglectful
The last parenting style on our list of the most common 4 parenting styles is neglectful parenting, and this might not mean exactly what you think it does initially. It isn’t just a case of abandoning your children physically, not feeding them, or neglecting their physical and immediate needs.
The parenting style can instead be defined by noting that:
“Neglectful parents allow their children to do whatever they please. Unlike the indulgent/permissive parents, neglectful parents do this because they are detached from their children’s needs. Neglectful parents are unaware of what their kids are doing, and if they find out, they feel indifferent towards them.”
This can result in:
- risky and toxic relationships later down the line
- immature behaviours
- loneliness and sadness
- social withdrawal
- a more difficult timing integrating with society
A lot of this can come down to time, pressure, work, and so on. A lot of it can be a much larger issue.
The most important thing to remember is the effect it can have on children.
While we might most often think of the 4 parenting styles from our point of view, I think it is more important that we think of them from the children’s point of view. Only then can we work towards building a better picture.
Check out more of our parenting blogs to learn more, right here!