Boundaries as a mom are critical.
When we don’t have boundaries as a mom, we can end up feeling like all of our energy is taken up by everyone else around us and we have nothing left for ourselves. We can very quickly end up exhausted and overrun. And we can even end up very resentful of those around us.
Long story short: not having boundaries is not a good thing, especially so for moms.
So what can we do?
We can learn how to have better boundaries!
Luckily for you, you have stumbled upon this blog that is going to tell you all about them and how to do it. That worked out well for you didn’t it? Keep reading and hopefully, you will learn exactly what you looking for.
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Self-Reflect and Journal
The very first step that you can take in the process of building better boundaries is to get to know yourself better first. You might have some blind spots when it comes to what boundaries you currently have in your life already and what it is missing. Until you fill in those gaps, it will be pretty tricky to know exactly what you need to work on.
A great way to self-reflect is to journal. Try and take some time for yourself to write about your days and your weeks. Write about anything that comes to mind. It could be memories you are thinking of or things that are currently happening in your life, either is fine. When you regularly journal, you will notice patterns and trends that come up. It is these things that we need to explore further and work on.
Talk to Others About How You Feel
As with any aspect of personal development, we can’t do this alone. We need to talk to and connect with others to better our journey into boundary setting.
Talking to other people is also a great way to find out about our own weak spots if we are able to allow ourselves to hear this information. It is important not to be defensive if you want this process to work.
Other people who have our best interests at heart can help us figure out what might be going wrong in our lives right now and help us figure out what kind of boundaries will help improve this situation. This could be a partner, friend, colleague, or even a professional counsellor. Whoever it is, letting someone in always helps.
The number 1 rule of boundaries is to say no whenever you want and need to.
Too many of us out there, especially us moms, say yes to pretty much anything anyone asks of us. This can be for a number of reasons, with the most common one being that we don’t want to let other people down. But aren’t we always taught to put our own oxygen mask on before anyone else’s? The same applies to all areas of life. If we never say no, we aren’t reserving our energy or time for ourselves.
We need to make sure that we are prioritizing ourselves before others, as tough as that might be. If we don’t, this is where we find ourselves easily burnt out.
Saying no might not always feel good, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t the right thing to do.
Learn Effective Communication Skills
If you are struggling with setting boundaries and saying no to people, it might be useful for you to work on your communication skills. How we communicate with other people sets the tone for what we will accept in our lives. If we let people bulldoze us in conversation, how can we appropriately respect ourselves?
Learning how to communicate in a calm but firm manner is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It makes so many situations easier to handle and you can take a lot of peace from how you have handled things.
Communication is key!
Learn to Sit With Uncomfortable Feelings
The reason that so many people shy away from setting appropriate boundaries is that they don’t like the uncomfortable feelings that often come with saying no to other people.
It’s true that setting boundaries doesn’t always feel great, especially not in the initial aftermath. But that doesn’t mean that you made the wrong choice! Of course not.
It is important that we learn to sit with the uncomfortable feelings that come from these activities and conversations so that we might be resilient in facing the feelings in the future. When we can stomach the discomfort, it doesn’t stop us from doing the right thing for us.
Self-care is key when you are on a boundary journey. You need to look after yourself adequately if you are going to be going through something difficult.
Self-care looks different for each person. Some great examples you can try include:
- Rest and sleep
- Gentle exercises such as walking, yoga, swimming
- Cooking and eating good foods
- Watching a film you like
- Listening to music
- Being in nature
- Being around friends
- Booking a massage
- Going to a spa
- Having a bath
Doing at least one of these things every couple of days will help you stay in a more relaxed and calm state while you work on this tricky task. Not looking after yourself will make everything else harder to deal with. Don’t forget about yourself.
Affirmations are a great way to get yourself through difficult situations. Having something that you are able to draw on during a tricky conversation can help you stay strong. Stay strong while setting boundaries is important and can really impact whether they are respected by other people are not.
Here are some examples:
- I deserve peace
- I own my time
- My decisions deserve to be respected by others
- I won’t back down if someone disagrees with me
- I am ok if someone doesn’t agree with what I am saying
- I put myself first and that is ok
- I am strong
- I can cope with this discomfort
- I am ok
Keeping yourself calm while you practice setting boundaries is one of the best ways you can look after yourself throughout the journey.
We hope it goes well for you and we hope you find some peace in the process.