Dealing with family problems is never an easy thing to do. When you are a mom, it can feel like you are dealing with a lot of them, all the time.
There can be problems with your marriage, problems with your relatives, in-laws, friends, and anyone else that is involved in your everyday family life.
It’s normal that these problems arise but it doesn’t make things any less stressful for you.
In fact, family problems are probably the most stressful of personal problems to have, as they are much harder to get away from.
What will make things less stressful for you when it comes to dealing with family problems is how you react to these problems and how you look after yourself throughout the entire process.
We can’t stop your problems for you, in fact, no one can. But we can do is help you respond in the best possible way for you and your wellbeing.
If that is something that you would like to hear more about, then please do keep reading.
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Thank you, and happy reading.
Stay calm, walk away if you need
The number one rule for dealing with family problems as best as possible is staying as calm as you can in all situations. This is never easy, but it is essential.
As soon as you start to lose your cool in an argument or disagreement with someone, things can very easily take a turn for the worst. The situation easily spins out of control and your relationship with that person can be damaged. It is also never good for children to be around situations of high stress with shouting and loud arguing.
When it comes to dealing with family problems, all you need to worry about is your own behaviour. You can’t control other people, but you can control yourself, and it is a great thing to go to bed knowing that you did the best you possibly could in difficult situations. That will give you a lot of peace and reassurance going forward.
If you have a difficult friend or family member who likes to cause arguments or rile you up, the absolute best thing you can do is stay calm in the situation.
There are lots of ways that you can keep yourself calm, but working on your breathing is our favourite suggestion. If you can slow things down and focus on your breathing, you can respond to things rather than react to things. When dealing with family problems, measured responses are always far superior to hasty responses in the heat of the moment.
Damage control is always better than picking up the pieces when it comes to family problems.
For some help on how to control your breathing, you can check out this very useful video:
Work on your own boundaries
Boundaries are really important, especially when dealing with family problems.
Sometimes family members like to push all of our buttons and overstep our boundaries whenever they can. But we don’t have to let them. We don’t have to let anyone do anything just because they are family.
Boundaries are defined as “the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships” (Source).
Even with family, we need to set these all-important limits and rules for ourselves and our lives.
If a family member is consistently turning up uninvited and this is causing you stress, you need to be firm with them in setting your own boundaries. While this is never easy, it is definitely essential for keeping yourself well. Without boundaries, we end up constantly overwhelmed and upset, feeling helpless and attacked.
Even when things are uncomfortable, we are able to do them. And even if something is uncomfortable in the short term, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t the right thing for us in the long term.
One of the very best resources you will have when it comes to dealing with family problems is setting out and sticking to your own boundaries. So make sure you know what they are, and make sure you tell everyone else about them!
Vent to outside sources
Finally, dealing with family problems can cause a lot of stress and anxiety, and we need to talk to someone about that stress and anxiety. But sometimes family politics make this a little more difficult.
If you are having issues with your in-laws crossing your boundaries, for example, it can be harder to talk to your partner about these things.
One of the easiest ways to deal with this particular problem is to vent to an outside source about the issues you are having. Talk to a friend, colleague, or counsellor whenever appropriate and get the support you need without causing any more tension or conflict in your own home. It is always worth talking about things and you always deserve support, but it is important that you seek out the appropriate channels for this support.
if you have never talked to a counsellor before and dealing with family problems is causing your extreme stress and discomfort, it is really worth a go. Counselling is a safe space for you to explore your issues and your feelings surrounding them. This can have so much value for you and your life.
It’s important in all of this that you remember to take care of yourself. Being a mom often means stretching yourself too thin on everyone else’s behalf, and this isn’t a good thing. Put yourself first, look after yourself, and you will find that you will be able to be much more resilient in dealing with family problems that arise over time.
It will all work out ok in the end, hang in there moms!