Explaining sex to kids can be a daunting task for parents. It’s important to provide accurate information in an age-appropriate manner to ensure that children can understand and feel comfortable talking about it. The way that sex is discussed in the home can have a lasting impact on the way children perceive and understand sex and sexuality. When it comes to explaining sex to kids, the key is to be open and honest, while also creating a safe space for them to ask any questions they may have. By having an honest and open dialogue, parents can help foster healthy attitudes towards sex and help keep their kids safe.
Why is it important to explain sex to kids?
Children are at risk for exposure to inappropriate sexual content at earlier ages than ever before. It is important that parents take control of the sexual education of their children by being proactive about explaining sex and sexuality to them at home. The earlier that children are exposed to sexual content and the more they are exposed to it, the more likely they are to start questioning their own sexual desires and act out. This can be harmful to their development and well-being. Children who have a greater understanding of sex are less likely to engage in high-risk sexual behaviours. Parents are often uncomfortable talking about sex and sexuality with their children, but it is important to understand that a lack of information is actually dangerous. Children and adolescents who lack a comprehensive understanding of sex can be at risk for engaging in high-risk sexual behaviours and for being sexually abused.
How to start the conversation
The best way to approach the conversation about sex with your kids is to use the “kid-geared” language that they are already familiar with. Rather than getting into the medical terms and definitions, which can be confusing for young children, start the conversation with the basics. For example, you might want to start by saying things like, “Boys and girls have special body parts that they keep private” or “Boys and girls have body parts that they use to grow a baby inside their mother’s tummy.” The majority of the time, you don’t have to start the sex talk with the words “sex” or “sexuality” at all. You can use everyday situations and questions to steer the conversation without making your kids feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. For example, if your child asks why boys and girls hold hands, you can respond with the “kid-geared” language above. If a curious kid like this keeps asking for more information or starts to connect the dots, then you can be more direct. For example, you can say, “Well, boys and girls like to hold hands and hug because they want to show that they like each other.”
What topics to cover
There are a number of topics that are important to cover when teaching children about sex. These include anatomy, reproduction, consent, healthy relationships, and safety. Anatomy – This is the basic biological parts and functions of the male and female bodies. You can start this conversation when your child is young (around 5 years old) by using toys, pictures, and dolls to identify the parts of the body. You can use the opportunity to also teach your child about privacy. Reproduction – This is the process of how a baby is made. Start this conversation when your child is in the early or mid-toddler years. Consent – This is the concept that every person has the right to say “yes” or “no” to sexual activities. Start this conversation when your child is in the early or mid-toddler years. Healthy relationships – This is the concept of healthy relationships between friends, siblings, and parents. Start this conversation when your child is in the early or mid-toddler years. Safety – This is the topic of how to keep your child safe from sexual abuse, such as providing information about private parts, how to stay safe from sexual predators, and how to report sexual abuse. Start this conversation when your child is in the early or mid-toddler years.
How to respond to questions
As a parent, you can’t avoid the fact that your child will likely have questions and curiosities about sex and sexuality. The best way to approach these questions is to let your child know that they can ask anything and that you are happy to answer any questions they may have. If your child has a question about sex, you can use it as a jumping-off point to talk about the topic at hand. You can say things like, “That’s a great question. Why do you ask?” or “That is a really good question.” Let your child know that they can ask anything and you will try your best to answer any question they may have. If your child asks a question that is outside of the scope of what you want to cover, don’t be afraid to respond with a vague answer. For example, if your child asks when babies come out of a mother’s tummy, you might want to respond with “That’s a great question. Babies grow inside a mom’s belly for about nine months.”
Setting boundaries
When it comes to how open you are with your children about sex, it’s important to make a distinction between “open” and “overly open.” While it is important to be as open and honest as possible with your kids, you also want to make sure that they feel comfortable talking to you and that they are not exposed to anything that could make them feel uncomfortable. If your child has questions about sex that you don’t feel comfortable answering, don’t be afraid to redirect or say you’re not sure about the topic. You can say things like, “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure” or “Let me think about that and get back to you.”
What not to say
When you are explaining sex to kids, it’s important to remember not to use terms that are too technical or that could be confusing or make your child feel embarrassed. Avoid using terms like “sex,” “sexual intercourse,” or “having sex” with young children. Instead, use more discreet terms like “growing a baby“ or “having a baby inside your mother’s tummy.” Avoid using terms like “date” or “going on a date” with young children. Instead, use more discreet terms like “having a friend over” or “having another child come over to play.” Avoid using terms like “private parts” or “down there” with young children. Instead, use anatomical terms like “vagina” or “penis” unless your child is comfortable with other terms.
When to have “the talk”
The best time to begin having conversations about sex is as soon as your child has developed a curiosity about their body. However, it is also important to remember that children develop at different rates, and each child will have different questions at different times. Some parents choose to have “the talk” on the same day that their child starts asking questions, while others choose to wait until their child is 12 or 13 years old. There is no one perfect time to have “the talk” with your child.
Resources and tools for parents
There are many books and online resources that can help parents explain sex to kids. Here are a few helpful tools you might want to check out: The American Academy of Pediatrics has a great resource for parents called “Sex, Puberty, and You,” which is a website full of information about sex and puberty for kids of all ages, as well as their parents. You can also download a free parent guide. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has a website called “Let’s Talk About Sex” that offers a variety of resources for parents, teachers, and health care providers on how to talk to kids about sex. It also offers suggestions for how to get started and ways to avoid being awkward when talking to your child about sex. Sexuality Education for All is a website that promotes a sexuality education curriculum for parents and teachers.