Maintaining a happy marriage when you are a parent is not always the easiest thing in the world to do.
Having children puts a lot of stress and busyness into your life that wasn’t there previously, and the dynamics of your relationship change significantly as your transition from a couple to a couple of parents.
It makes complete sense that things might get a little tricky in your marriage after you have a child or some children, so don’t worry too much if you are finding things tough right now. It doesn’t mean that your marriage can never be a happy marriage again and it doesn’t mean that there are problems you can never fix.
There are lots of easy and practical ways that you and your partner can learn to consistently nurture and tend to your marriage. And luckily for you, this blog is going to tell you about some of them.
Didn’t that work out well?
If you like this blog and you gain something from it, please check out our Facebook page and give us a thumbs up there. You can also share it with your mom friends so that they can learn the same information too.
Sharing is caring!
Communicate – That means talking and listening
The first key to any happy marriage is communication.
And you probably know that already. But the real key is in how you execute this communication on a day to day basis. There are a lot of couples out there who think that they communicate with each other extremely well, but this isn’t always the case.
Communication means listening and talking. You can be amazing at sharing your own feelings with your partner, but this won’t do much good for your partnership if you aren’t equally as good at listening to their concerns. You might feel great about yourself, but that isn’t what matters, what matters is that both sides are being equally heard, respected, and understood.
One of the best things you can do to maintain a happy marriage is to have regular “check-ins” with each other. Take some time each week to sit down, with no distractions, and openly talk and listen to each other with no judgement.
You can set rules around these check-ins so that things don’t easily go sideways. Things like not raising your voice, not saying “you always do X/Y/Z”, not looking at your phone, not namecalling, and so on. The healthier the conversation is, the more good you will be able to achieve from the conversation.
If you are struggling with your communication right now, that is normal. Many couples do. Learning about your own communication style and how you can improve it is an amazing thing you can do for your partner and your marriage. There are plenty of books and online resources on the matter.
Practice active kindness and compassion
To keep a happy marriage, we need to actively be kind and compassionate towards each other. This might sound like a silly thing to be reminded of, but it really isn’t.
Sometimes we think we are kind enough to our partner already, but we are very often so caught up with the kids, rushing about, and doing a hundred things at once, that we are only speaking to our partner in rushed, sometimes harsh tones.
Whenever you have children in a marriage, it is so important to remember to take time to slow down. Everything goes so quickly and everything can get very stressful. And when we are stressed, we usually aren’t giving the people around us the best of us.
To keep a happy marriage happy, we need to actively engage with kindness and compassion with our partners. We need to say kind words, initiate hugs and cuddling, send kind texts, buy presents out of the blue, pick up the dinner on the way home, and so on and so forth.
It doesn’t really matter what the thing you do is, especially as everyone will have different ways they like to be shown love and affection. What matters is that your partner can see that you are showing up for them and putting them first.
A little kindness and compassion always goes a long way to lowering stress and tension levels. They can help make a happy marriage but also a happy home too.
Actively schedule dates and alone time
As a married parent, you spend an awful lot of your time your kids, their friends, other parents, teachers, and so on. Your schedule is very busy and it is filled with interactions with other people.
You probably have very little time alone with just you and your partner.
But this is a super duper important thing when it comes to maintaining a happy marriage. You need alone time to work and thrive as a couple. You need time away from kids so that you can focus back in on your adult needs and wants. Without alone time, it is very easy for you and your partner to drift apart and to start to feel like friends or co-workers rather than romantic partners.
And, hey, we aren’t being unrealisitc here. A date night every single week probably isn’t possible, and that’s ok.
Parenting is busy, so whenever you can get out for a date night will be ok. If it is once or twice a month, that’s great. And it doesn’t have to be a big, fancy, out-of-town date either. It can be something as simple as an hour in a coffee shop and a walk around town holding hands.
The secret to a happy marriage isn’t something out of a movie. It is small, easy ways that you “turn towards” your partner and remind them that they, and your relationship with them, are a priority for you. It is reminding them that while you are parents, you are partners first, and that will always be important.
Don’t forget that one day your kids will be out of the house again and you will only have each other. If you have a happy marriage, this can be great, if you don’t, it can feel pretty blue.
Make the right choice now, and carry it with you forever.
For more blogs just like this one, check out the rest of our site right here on OnlyMomsKnow.