Co-parenting typically refers to what happens when two parents are not or are no longer in a romantic relationship with each other. It generally means two parents living in separate homes, coming together to parent a child or multiple children in a collaborative way. It is the child or children that is the main focus of the parents’ relationship with each other, rather than anything directly between one another.
Co-parenting can have some negative associations attached to it for some people. They might have had unpleasant experiences themselves or they might have heard a lot of horror stories passed down from other people.
And, of course, it is true that co-parenting isn’t the easiest of ventures.
There are always challenges and tribulations within the world of co-parenting, just as there is with any kind of parenting. Even when parents aren’t romantically separated, it is always difficult for two people to agree on all the same things, especially when it comes to making big life decisions for a child.
But, as with all things in life, there are lots of ways in which you can make the experience of co-parenting a lot easier on yourself, your child or children, and everyone else around you.
It doesn’t have to be something that means stress and chaos involved.
Even when there are things that you can’t control, like someone else’s thoughts, feelings, or reactions, there will always be positive and tangible things that you can do to make things better. Knowing that, and taking part in it, gives you your sense of control back within the life of co-parenting, and that is always something really important.
Let’s look in more detail at some things you can proactively do to make the whole experience better for everyone involved, even when things get tough.
How can you do the best for yourself?
Something really important to remember throughout the co-parenting experience is that you need to look after yourself. It is too easy to get sucked into worrying constantly about everyone else and their needs and then forgetting to prioritise yourself.
Of course, your child or children are up there with your very top priorities, but you need to remember that you can’t look after them to your best ability if you don’t look after yourself first, especially with a co-parenting situation.
Very often in co-parenting, we are dealing with the difficult feelings of a break-up or divorce, alongside trying to effectively work with our ex-partner. This isn’t easy and it can bring up a lot of emotions for us.
It is super important that you effectively and healthily deal with these emotions so that they don’t get unnecessarily transferred onto our children. Our children are able to sense our hurt and pain a lot more than we might think they can and so it is important that we don’t let too many adult-level emotions affect them so early in their life. We can’t shield them from everything, but we do need to remember to protect them when we can from things that are too emotionally charged for their age.
Here are some ways that you can look after yourself as best you can when you are involved in co-parenting:
- Engage with a registered counsellor or psychotherapist to help you deal with your emotions and reactions in a healthy way
- Read books and blogs to help educate yourself on co-parenting, communication, and mental health
- Work with a mediator if you are finding communication with your ex-spouse challenging
- Take time out to self-care and relax
- Have solid boundaries with those around you
- Make time for your friends, family and loved ones
- Ask for support when you need it
- Look after your body and make sure you are eating, sleeping, and exercising appropriately
How can you do the best for your child or children?
When it comes to co-parenting, the whole point is the child.
Without the child, or children, there would be no need for the co-parenting arrangement in the first place. The reason two adults are not willing to go their separate ways in life is due to the love and care for their shared child(ren).
It’s important to remember this when you are navigating a tricky situation. It can be very easy to get pulled into conflict or games with your ex-partner, but this doesn’t benefit your children in any way.
The most important thing is that a safe and loving environment is able to be created via two people for a child to grow and develop into a happy and healthy human.
Everything else doesn’t matter.
Here are some ways that you can continue to do the best for your child(ren) during a co-parenting arrangement:
- Avoid arguing or difficult discussions in front of your child
- Take your child to a professional counselling service if they are displaying signs of unhappiness or stress
- Split things fairly with their other parent, as long as is appropriate
- Avoid bad-mouthing the other parent in front of your child
- Keep things fun and light-hearted around your ex-partner as much as possible
- Make sure they are getting all of their needs met even when things are tough, including play and fun
- Encourage your child to be able to talk about their feelings when they arise
- Encourage your child to spend time having fun outside of the home with other people so they don’t feel stuck
- Prioritise their wellbeing over any drama
Co-parenting can be a great situation for children as long as it is managed in a safe and healthy way. It doesn’t have to be something that will inevitably hinder your child as long as you don’t let it.
Having two parents who love you and want to do their best to keep you happy and healthy can never be a bad thing.
Just do your best, don’t be so hard on yourself, and everything will work out a-ok 🙂
If you need any more tips or advice on parenting and motherhood issues, make sure you stick around and check out some more of our blogs here on onlymomsknow!