When it comes to dating after divorce, we know that it isn’t always an easy task for moms. You will have a lot of conflicting and complicated feelings that make it tricky to decide what is best for you and your kids.
Being out of the dating game for a while can make it difficult to get back into it. And that’s normal! Of course, we aren’t sure what to do or how to feel after a long time away. Accepting that those feelings of uncertainty are normal can be the first step in working through this process.
But, as with everything, dating after divorce is much easier with some support and guidance. That is exactly what we want to provide with this blog. We want to help you, fellow moms, out with some tips and tricks for dating after divorce so that things might just be that little bit better for you going forward.
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Thank you and happy reading!
Only start when you are ready
The most important tip that we have for dating after divorce is to only start the actual dating when you feel ready to do so. If it is still very soon after your divorce or you are still working through complicated feelings for your ex-partner, it might be wise to hold out for a little bit longer. If you start dating too early after divorce you might just end up making yourself feel more lonely and confused than before, and you might end up in a complicated situation that you never wanted to be in.
The best thing straight after divorce is to take some time to work on yourself and heal from everything that has just happened. Divorce can be messy and stressful and painful, and it is crucial that you allow yourself a period of healing from such a situation before you would move on to a new partner.
Only you can decide when you will be ready and it is ok if you make a mistake the first time and decide to go back into healing for a little while longer. Dating after divorce is a series of testing the waters until you get it right, so don’t worry if you don’t get it right straight away. That is more than normal.
Be picky with your choice of date
After divorce, you know what mistakes you don’t want to make again in the future. It is always important to remember that knowledge as you go into dating after divorce. Try and remember everything that you have learned from both your marriage and your divorce, and take that knowledge to inform your next decisions in dating.
Picking the wrong person to date when you are young and unattached is never fun, but doing it when you have children and extra complicating life factors is much worse.
Don’t introduce anyone to your kids until further down the line
Experts in family relationships suggest that you don’t introduce your children to anyone you are in a short-term relationship with. This can confuse them and make them feel less secure in their own home.
You should only start to think about introducing your children to a new partner if you are in a long-term relationship with them and you are past the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship. When you are dating after divorce it might be easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship again and you might enjoy this fun and freeing honeymoon period so much that it convinces you too early that this is the right partner for you. But this can easily change quicker than you would like it to and then you have gone through all the effort of introducing your children to someone new for no reason. This isn’t good for you or them.
It is much better to wait for the dust to settle in dating after divorce before you make any introductory plans.
Look after yourself with self-care
During the time of dating after divorce, it is key that you take time to look after yourself. You will be going through a lot of thoughts and feelings all at once and this can easily be overwhelming. You will be trying to consider multiple people and their feelings too and this adds another layer of exhaustion.
Make sure that you take time away from everyone else whenever you can so that you can rest and recover. Only when you are in a relaxed and rested state can you make the best possible decisions about what you want and need.
And, hey, we know it is a pipe dream for moms to feel 100% rested all the time, but if you can at least bring yourself down the scale of stress to a reasonable level, you will be able to look after yourself and make decisions much more easily and efficiently.
A little Harry Potter marathon on a rainy Sunday never did anyone any harm.
Release the mom guilt
A big problem amongst moms is mom guilt and we can see this problem arise easily when it comes to dating after divorce.
Many moms feel that they aren’t doing enough for their kids, in all different kinds of ways, and this can really get them down over time. Mom guilt can really impact our mental health and it can negatively affect the relationships we have with others around us too.
It is best to release yourself from mom guilt whenever you can and to work on allowing yourself peace of mind. You are doing the best that you can and it isn’t easy. There is no need to beat yourself up for going through something very normal and understandable.
If you would like to read more about mom guilt, you can do so on our own blog on the topic, right here.
As we said, with the right support and the right conversations, we can all deal with issues like dating after divorce, mom guilt, boundaries… everything that face moms deal with, together. Together is always better!