Do you have kids that are stubborn and uncooperative? If so, you’re not alone. Many parents have to deal with trying to get kids to do things over and over again, but they just won’t listen or cooperate. Kids can be frustrating for any parent — no matter how much experience we have raising children. But, there are ways to cope with stubborn kids. In this blog post we will look at different ways you can deal with stubborn kids and help them to become more cooperative.
Establish Consistent Boundaries And Expectations
The first step to dealing with stubborn kids is to set clear boundaries and expectations. Kids need to know what your rules are, what is expected of them, and what the consequences for breaking these rules will be. Even very young children can benefit from having basic boundaries in place. While you may have to adjust these rules as your child grows, setting them from the start creates a sense of security for the child and helps them feel prepared for what’s to come. When setting boundaries, it’s important to remember that punishments should fit the infraction. For example, a two-year-old who throws a toy should not receive the same punishment as an eight-year-old who speaks rudely to his teacher.
Be Firm — But Gentle — With Your Responses
If your child is stubborn and refuses to do something, it’s important to stay calm and avoid escalating the situation. Children can sense our frustration and use it to get out of having to comply with the expectations we have for them. We can’t let them see us get upset. Stay calm, remain in control of yourself, and don’t let your emotions get the best of you. This can be challenging, but it’s important to keep in mind that your child is testing boundaries and finding out what they can get away with. They may not always be doing this on purpose, but it’s a normal part of growing up. When your child refuses to do something, respond calmly but firmly. Avoid raising your voice, using sarcasm, or becoming sarcastic. Instead, say what you need to say in a straightforward, controlled tone of voice.
Don’t Take The Behavior Personally
You might find yourself getting frustrated with your child for refusing to do something or for not listening to what you’re asking them to do. It’s important to remember that this has nothing to do with you as a parent. Your child is not being stubborn to be difficult or to make your life harder. They’re just trying to find their own way in the world and push back against what they see as authority. While this can be frustrating, it’s important to keep in mind that it’s not personal. Additionally, try to remain calm so your child doesn’t sense your frustration. If you want to address the situation, do so when you’re calm so your child knows you’re in control of the situation (and isn’t just pushing back against their parent’s frustration).
Use Effective Communication Strategies
Communication is an important part of parenting, but it’s especially important when dealing with stubborn kids. You’ll want to be clear about what you expect from your child and when you expect them to comply. Avoid using vague language and unclear expectations. During times of confrontation, it’s also important to remember to use “I” statements when addressing the situation. An “I” statement is a sentence that begins with “I feel” or “I think.” Examples include: “I feel like you need to do your chores,” or “I think it’s time to get ready for bed.” Avoid “you” statements that start with “you should” or “you need to,” as these can put your child on the defensive and make them less willing to listen to what you have to say.
Give Them Choices
Kids love to feel like they’re in control of their lives, and giving them choices can help them feel empowered and like they’re more involved in their day-to-day activities. Whenever possible, offer your child a choice on how to complete a given task. For example, if your child needs to get ready for bed, ask them if they want to brush their teeth first or put on their pajamas first. Giving your child a choice can make them feel more involved in the process and make them less likely to fight you or be uncooperative. Even if you have a set schedule for your child and have to have them follow it, you can use this technique to help them feel like they have more control. For example, if your child is scheduled to brush their teeth at 7:30 p.m. tell them that they can brush their teeth now, after they eat their breakfast, or after they finish reading their book. You can also offer choices when your child ends up in trouble. If they get sent to their room, give them a choice between cleaning their room or doing their homework.
Try A Time Out Or Other Natural Consequence
At some point, your child’s stubbornness will cause them to break a rule. When this happens, you’ll need to provide a consequence that is age-appropriate and doesn’t further cause them to feel bad about themselves. Depending on their age, you may want to use time outs or natural consequences like losing the ability to play with their favorite toy or missing out on an activity they were planning on doing. If your child is under five years old, time outs can be problematic. Instead, try sitting quietly with your child while they are in the time out. This will allow them to calm down while still giving them a chance to feel like they’re being listened to.
Conclusion
Kids can be challenging, especially when they refuse to do what they’re asked or are being stubborn. While this can be frustrating for parents, it’s important to remember that this is a normal part of growing up. There are a variety of ways to deal with stubborn kids. You can establish consistent boundaries and expectations, be firm with your child but remain calm, and use effective communication strategies to help them understand what’s expected of them. You can also give them choices and use a time out or other natural consequence for breaking a rule.